11:07 PM

Why I'm Fat

I think I've discovered the reason why people eat at midnight. Or at least why I do. I'm not sure who came up with the idea of "Man vs. Food", but right now I'm watching a gooey, delicious cheeseburger fill the television screen. And if it wasn't 12:14am, I would be making a cheeseburger on the stove top.

I'm still tempted. I just don't want to be called fat by the little voice inside my head that keeps me thinking straight.

That, and I already ate some mixed nuts and a Tim-Tam.

But really, I think the Travel Channel has made a nefarious deal with the Food Network to get people to eat more, and become more obsessed with food, causing them those who watch the Travel Channel to watch the Food Network channel.

No wonder America's fat.

All I want to do is travel, and I'm bombarded by shows displaying all the greasy, fatty, yet delicious places to eat along the way. Then, when I'm depressed because I resemble a car tire, I watch the Travel Channel, dreaming about the places I want to go. And when I'm too fat to leave the house, I watch the Food Network to learn how to make pizza out of the few ingredients I can pay off the neighborhood kids to hand me through the kitchen window.

Curse you, cable television, curse you.

I guess my only choice to avoid this sad fate is to turn off the television and go to bed. Which means closing down my project (talking on Facebook) and shutting down the computer to go up to a cold bed. ...Now I see why I watch this show this late at night.

One final statement on food: bacon makes everything better. It goes on almost everything (and when I say almost, I mean it really doesn't go with fruit - sorry, it just doesn't). And it's delicious. This year, consider bacon as an alternative to your Christmas dinner protein.

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